Dear Husband

Dear Husband:

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been
a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These
last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit
your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t
notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep after watching the game. You don’t tell me you love me
anymore, you don’t touch me or anything.

Either you’re cheating or you don’t love me anymore, whatever the case is, I’m gone.

P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to
West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

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Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and
I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from
what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant
nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work. I did notice when you cut off all of your
hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was “You look just like a
man!” My mother raised me to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you
when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars
from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when
I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I
hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your
letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me.

So take care.

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I
hope that’s not a problem.